Wednesday, June 23, 2010

Wisdom Learned from the Wash

This is a companion post to my updated laundry room post from Tuesday. You can read it here.
I was on bed rest for 28 weeks when I was pregnant with Micah (yep, 28 weeks--from eight weeks until 36 weeks, almost seven months).  At the time, Heidi was thirteen, Tucker was twelve, and Ben turned eight just before Micah was born.  Grandma T lived with us for about four of those weeks, doing all that I normally did.  Then, she left.
During that extremely LONNNNNG pregnancy, I learned a valuable truth:  kids as young as eight are fully capable of doing their own laundry.  That tradition continues in our home today--when Lily was about a month away from turning eight, I started playing up her new responsibility:  "When you turn eight, you are so lucky!  You get to do your own laundry!"  I'd bring her in to watch me as I sorted and washed her clothes: I showed her how much detergent to use, how to turn on the washer, how to clean the lint screen on the dryer.  "Isn't this fun?"  She thought so. That lasted for a few times, maybe.  Then she realized she'd been tricked, but then, it was too late.

Here's how we do laundry around here:

Mom's laundry day is Monday, and that is not negotiable.  I do mine, Brad's, Micah's Hyrum's, Eve's, and a load of kitchen towels--usually between 6-8 loads.  I help Hyrum put his clothes away, but Micah is responsible for putting his own away. Tuesday is sheets and bed changing, but if there's time, someone can squeeze in their stuff.  Since Heidi and Tucker have left (sniff), things have been a little more flexible.  But typically now, Lily does her laundry on Thursday and Ben on Wednesday.  On Friday, I toss in another load of kitchen towels, and this time of year adds 1-2 loads of pool towels.  Assigning days has been really helpful to keep the kids on top of their clothes. If they miss their day, it's not that difficult to find another time to do it, but sometimes the washers will be full, so they'll have to wait.

They each have divided hampers in their rooms (thanks, IKEA) that allow them to sort their clothes as they take them off (or when they scrounge them off the floor).  Then, all they have to do is take their own hampers down the hall and load the washers.  The only assistance I usually give is if they are gone to school, I will move from washer to dryer, upon request.

I know moms that are very OCD about the laundry--they carefully pre-treat, sort, wash, dry, fold, iron, AND put away in the drawers.  I've learned to let all of that go.   I don't buy them anything really complicated, so they don't need to hang dry or wash in cold.  If they ruin their own clothes, that's their fault. They wash their new jeans with the whites because they were too lazy to sort?  Then they wear dingy t-shirts. But grievous errors have been few and then never repeated (remember the pen debacle of '08, Tuck?).  They are responsible for taking their clean stuff back to their rooms, folding it and putting it away.  Does this mean their drawers are messy?  Usually yes.  Does this mean that they occasionally can't find something important?  Yes.  Does this mean that sometimes they throw clean clothes back in the hamper to avoid folding it and putting it away?  Yep, but I bet your kids sometimes do that too, right?

How has this changed my life?  Wow.  Let me count the ways.  I don't need days and days to do all the laundry.  Now I can use that time to do fun stuff (like decorate the laundry room!) I am not drowning in dirty or clean clothes.  I don't ever get the complaints of "Mom, I have nothing clean to wear," because that's not my job.

How has this changed their lives?  Let this picture illustrate:
That's my Ben. Yes, my big boys iron.  I think I taught them how when they were about ten or eleven--time to teach Lily that skill.  When Heidi and Tucker both left for school, I knew there was one domestic thing that they were fully capable of doing without my supervision--not cooking, unfortunately.

And who dictated the policy that moms had to do all the laundry?  That takes personal responsibility and time management skills away from our kids.  And they have few enough opportunities for this in this modern life we live.

Linking up to W on Alphabe-Thursday with Ms. Jenny.
Jenny Matlock

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36 comments:

  1. This is so awesome! I can't wait to make my kids do the laundry some day. I can still keep my laundry to usually 1 load of whites, one load of coloreds, 1 load of towells and one load of kids stuff per week. Wonder how long I can keep THAT up?

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  2. Jen...this is so great and something I needed to read. I am a lucky lady in the fact that my husband does the laundry at our house...it was the one chore I have never enjoyed so he took it over, doing it in the evenings after the kids and I were in bed and he watched ESPN....this fact alone I think is the perfect reason why I should follow your advice and teach my 3 teenage BOYS to do their own laundry and the fact that one of them will leave for college in a year! Thanks for the inspiration!

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  3. What an awesome job you have done with your kids. And your laundry room? I would be happy to move in! I started something new this Summer. All kids have a laundry bag in their room, on a hook. They each have a laundry buddy. On Friday, they do their laundry together...the whole way through. I'm with you...I don't have time to be OCD about finding stains, etc. or even the messy drawers. It's their choice. Most of their clothes are name brand and from the thrift store...bought for under $3 an item...nothing that is sacred!

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  4. I love this concept! We have 5 daughters right now, and can just imagine how this method will come in handy when they get to be older. I can't wait to implement this when that time comes. Thanks for sharing!

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  5. I am in awe of you, 24601. You seem to run a pretty tight ship. When I start having kids, I'm gonna steal this and call it the "Aunt Jenny Method." I am in love with this. Do you hear me??

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  6. After being "grounded" now for 3 weeks with about 3 more weeks to go I seriously do not know how you didn't go nuts during that long pregnancy. I guess the only way was knowing that you were going to get the most beautiful gift at the end :D
    Anyway, I am with you. My kids do their laundry and it has been such a good thing for them, for me, for our house!
    I think it is neat how you assigned laundry days - that is a really good idea - Wish I would have thought of that when they were all home.
    Love the picture of Ben ironing - Boys NEED to know how to do that and the picture is priceless!!
    Your kids will always be grateful for this skill as will their future spouses :D

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  7. I am marching right next to you on this one! My only dilemma comes when they don't do laundry and want to wear dirty clothes--do you let them? I usually get mad, not good. Okay 2 problems, when the don't have Sunday clothes ready and are trying to find a passable shirt to wear 20 minutes before church starts. I get so angry, how do you deal with that?

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  8. i'm glad tucker won't be like the guy i met freshman year that threw all his clothes in the dryer, followed by detergent, and then asked what was next. haha!
    you taught them well.

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  9. You are an awesome parent. In the process of doing laundry, you're teaching your children so much more than that. I once read that when you give your children responsibilites within your home...they feel so much more a part of the family. My mom was ocd and never let me do anything because she wanted it done perfectly. As my parents were driving me to college that first time...my mom was quickly giving me the run down on how to do laundry...on my own! Pathetic, I know!

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  10. LOL...I am trying to get the kids to do their own. When I was gone for 10 days in May they discovered that (Gasp)they could do laundry! Now my 15 y.o. is responsible for her own.

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  11. My daughters have helped with laundry but have not yet done their own from start to finish. My oldest is 8...maybe it's time!:)
    Enjoy the day

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  12. Hahahaha! What amazing timing! Just this week I gave my 2 oldest responsibility for their own laundry. I did the same thing with assigning days. So far, so good. When I was learning, as a teen, I had a red crayon debacle. No fun, but I am totally ready for whatever happens... I think...

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  13. Wow - I wish I'd known you 30 years ago! I could have used a little of that tutorial!

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  14. I taught my oldest to iron this year and it's the best thing that ever happened to me. All his school shirts (which is just about the only thing I iron) done. It takes him a lot longer than it would take me, but someday, his wife will love me.

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  15. Oh, I love it. Absolutely love it! I had to have my COLLEGE ROOMMATE teach me to do laundry bc I had never done it before. Won't make that mistake with my kiddos!!

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  16. Josiah knows how to run the machines but I have yet to make him responsible for his own laundry. He's 20 (blush) but also basically an only child and when I was a sahm that's just the way I did things and we never changed. I supposed I should make sure he learns how in the next couple of years, huh!

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  17. We do exactly the same thing. My big kids do their own laundry too. I love it. But we missed out on one thing, Dan still does all the ironing. I think it's because our son believes ironing to be optional. Sadly, we are not willing to bring him to church with a wrinkled shirt. I think he can iron, he just chooses not to. My girls choose to wear clothes that don't require ironing. . .

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  18. I don't know why I haven't figured that one out yet. You can bet I am going to be sitting down with my 2 oldest and teaching how to do their laundry. We have tried the folding thing...good enough for me. Thanks for the inspiration. (And thanks for the book. Now if I can just get it out of my hubs hands I can have total scheduling makeover! Thanks again!!)

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  19. Good for you, Jen. I didn't figure this out until my kids were pretty old. Once I did, it changed my life!

    I think it's great for kids to learn such things at a young age. Being competent in the world is what brings real self esteem, and knowing how to take care of yourself is about as competent as it gets.

    =)

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  20. I guess with a larger family you have to plan chores a little better than what I do. I generally try to do one load each day and that keeps me in clean towels, sheets and clothes. I happily wash, dry and fold, but everyone puts their own things away. My college kids take care of their own laundry for the most part. I taught both kids how to sort and follow washing instructions, and how to use the machines when they were about 14-15 years old and wanting to start buying their own clothes.

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  21. Wow...wanna come to my house and train my boys? I think that is awesome!

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  22. Wow, you've got a pretty nice little schedule there. It's wonderful how you have your kids helping you out with the laundry load :) Growing up, I was the one with the laundry duty whereas my brother (the baby of the family) never had to do any of it. When I left for college and laundry started to pile up, he had to figure out how to do it on his own...at age 16. Let's just say that my mom didn't really like the idea of washing just ONE pair of jeans in the washer/dryer using detergent that could've washed a whole load. Good job on starting your kids when they are young! :)

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  23. I only had one kid and he pretty much didn't learn how to do anything. Bad mom. He's learning now that he's out of state. I tell him anything he wants to learn just go to youtube. There seems to be a video to do just about anything. If I could only turn back the hands of time, I would have taught him so much more. Oh well, lesson learned too late. Great W post.

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  24. What beautiful children you have and helpful too!

    When you have a houseful like that, it only makes sense for everyone to pitch in. I remember doing so many loads of laundry when my kids were young.

    Now, it's just me and I can wash my jeans and t shirts in about two hours flat! More time to read blogs!

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  25. Having them do their own laundry is a wonderful idea. Your laundry room looks great!

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  26. Hmmm...maybe I need to go on some bed rest. I'm not pregnant, but no matter! LOL

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  27. I love that! You are an awesome mom! My kids didn't do their laundry until they went off to college. Of course, I only had 4....but it never occurred to me.

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  28. Way to go mom - what great life skills!

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  29. Jen. I love you! I love that you are raising your children to be independent and capable and giving...I get so frustrated with the attitude that everything must be DONE and FOR the children.

    Friday I was preparing for several Birthday parties for two of our Granddaughters and I made them help and work to get ready. One of my friends expressed surprise. "You made them clean? Aren't they just kids?" Kids can do all kinds of stuff...our oldest (just 8) washes and cuts up fruit here and hangs clothes on the line and picks things from the garden. They all have chores...even the not quite 4 year old.

    And they are happy. The TV stays off. The video games never come out.

    Teaching children to be useful and capable seems like such a lost philosophy anymore.

    Your post really made my heart smile!

    Thank you for linking up!

    And sorry to hi-jack your post with this long, rambling comment!

    A++++++++++++++++++++

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  30. I agree with you so much. Both of my boys do their own laundry most of the time. I will occasionally throw in a load if it's a beautiful day and all mine is done, but they are responsible for their won stuff most of the time. And yes, their drawers are messy, and yes, the younger one does shove clean stuff back in the wash basket, but somehow, they get by :)

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  31. We have had "laundry days" for years too. As soon as they turn 9, they get their own laundry day.
    With such a large family, it was an answer to my desperation to give each child their own day...with no laundry on Sundays.
    It was the best thing I ever did for my sanity and for the kids to learn the skill of caring for their own clothing.
    I never thought about posting the jobs we have the yahoos do...maybe I'll think about it now.
    Thanks!

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  32. oh you are sooooo clever. My daughter still doesnt do her laundry ... well okay, she does all of the floors instead and i hate doing the floors ... but still, would be nice if I could get her doing her own laundry!

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  33. I think it is a great idea and an important responsibility lesson.....

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