Thursday, May 19, 2011

E Is for Empty

(I may die of embarrassment from this post. Just keeping it real around here.)

Ten baskets of unfolded laundry.  TEN.
This is the state of my hobby room table.  Everything that I wanted to put out of my mind I stashed here.
Evidence that we shuffled through suitcases before my trip and for Tucker's adventure.
And my beautiful checkerboard floor in the laundry room?  It disappeared for almost a week.  A WEEK!
Chaos--I hate it.  It stresses me out and makes me grouchy.  Life has been so full and so busy and so crazy for the past two full weeks that I've been forced to let little things in my life slip by unnoticed. That will be rectified soon. I've got a list (five pages, to be exact) and I've got a plan.  And . . . I've got a shovel, if necessary.

I'm surrounded with all this chaos, and yet I feel empty.  Completely drained.  Since Tucker received his mission call back in February (original post here), I rarely looked past May 18th--getting his stuff together, checking off lists, spending time with him.
All that's left is a few stray feathers of the nest we watched all spring (original post here).  Mom and baby both off to greater adventures.  Lucky mom. She left, too.

I know why I feel so empty.  I'm missing this craziness in my life.
I hope you don't misunderstand.  I can't wait to hear how he's doing and what he's learning and how he's changing.  I know it will brighten my days and make all this time worth it.

I just wish this chart wasn't so empty.  Two days down.  728 to go.

I'm allowing myself through the weekend, then I've got to find the new normal, fill the emptiness with joy. And hopefully a first email.

Linking up to Alphabe-Thursday.
Jenny Matlock


  1. I feel for you! But I have a feeling you will feel great satisfaction when you straighten out your environment. And I have a feeling you will feel complete JOY when your son calls, Skypes, or emails you about his wonderful adventures. Hang in there and have a relaxing weekend!~Ames

  2. on a bright note...that could have been 10 dirty baskets of laundry instead of needing folded! ;o)
    but i feel ur pain...i have 2 loads waiting in the garage washer and 3 in the house...not to mention my clothes still waiting for a turn. i always come last...thank goodness for nursing tanks!

  3. Hang in there girl. The other stuff will get done in its due time.
    I would have an incredibly hard time letting go of my son for 2 years, so the other stuff can wait. My turn will come soon enough.

  4. I know the feeling. There's definitely an adjustment time to having them gone. It helped me to write them every single day. Yep, I know. It's crazy, but I did it as much for me as for them. Writing those letters made me feel like I was able to communicate with them on a daily basis.

    They loved it, too. When they came home, they said they hadn't missed a beat because they knew every single thing that had gone on.


  5. As soon as the emails start coming the missionary love will start flowing. Hang on.

  6. if anyone can make it, I know it's you ... a 5-page to-do list sure sounds like it'll keep your mind off things anyway ;-)

  7. Hugs to you sweet Jen. I hope you can carve a little time in your life this weekend for you...and maybe a date out with your hubby. Sometimes keeping busy and checking off the lists is what gets us through the tough times. Savor your time with your other babies. It all goes sooo fast doesn't it?

  8. My laundry looks like that most of the time and I only have four kids!! Not to mention the fact that your son left for his mission. I'm sure thoughts of that have consumed you. Do you get to see him at all during the two years? I live 20 miles north of Manhattan so I'd be happy to pay him a visit for you if you want me to!! From one Mama to another. ;)

    ~ Wendy

  9. Great ‘E’ post! Know the feeling!

    Happy Alphabe-Thursday!


    Btw Alphabe-Thursday

  10. Having just done that exact thing I will tell you it gets better when you catch up!

    I keep half hoping the 2 years flies by and then again that will mean Logan is graduating and all that entails and I am really not ready for that!!

  11. Ten?


    I might think twice about complaining next time!

  12. Ah, as each of those 700+ days gets a check mark next to it, it'll get a little bit easier...

  13. The list part is always the hardest for me. The plan eludes me and I just jump in on one pile after the other until order has returned. One spot at a time, one drawer at a time, and I usually always start with the hall bathroom, cause it's the quickest to neaten up :) I just need to quickly make a good plan for summer, so I can keep the troops productively entertained!

  14. The chaos adds so much weight! You'll feel much better when it's cleaned out, plus the cleaning and organizing will keep you busy!

    I am impressed you gave yourself a deadline to find the new normal. I hope you'll share how you do that. That's the part I have the hardest time with.

  15. Let me know if I can help with anything. By the way, your husband texted me on Tucker's phone last night...scared the heck out of me. It said, "Only 729 days left!"- it made me laugh, after I got over the initial shock of looking down and seeing a text from Tucker. At least, I'm assuming it was from your husband and not you because you were at the concert.
    Anyway, wishing you well. You're amazing!

  16. The two time zone watch- I must track down where they're sold. Then he can be on your wrist more and maybe you can worry less?

  17. Deep breath - and then dive in. You can't scare us with those photos because we've all been there.
    I am terribly ignorant about the missionary work on which you son has embarked - or at least I was ignorant. This morning I spent some time reading and learning about it - my goodness, what an adventure he is on.

  18. 5 days is the magical number. You need to cry a lot till then. not that you asked for my advice :)

  19. Hang in there, Jen! If you don't think about it too much, I'm sure 2 years would fly on by. Just think ahead to all the other things you have to look forward to, like potty training Evie. I'm sure that will keep you busy, right?

  20. Jen, it's okay to slow down. But I think I know what you mean. When a momentous event is finally over, it feels all kinds of empty inside your heart. Maybe it's the time to reflect and just lay low and let yourself get your bearings again.

    Sending you a hug and an A+ for an excellent post this week.


  21. your laundry room is the size of max's room. i covet. the end.