Thursday, April 30, 2009

Baby A's Visit

First, thanks to all of you for your kind comments on my last post. Knowing people care makes things a little easier. And just for the record, the doctor was not the one who said I'd gained too much weight. I just thought it as I got on the scale. I don't think he's capable of making such a comment. I didn't want to inadvertently besmirch his character.

Yesterday, Baby A had his first visit with his mom in almost two months. Most of the blame can be shouldered by CPS and all its recent budget cuts. But I've been feeling sad that S. hasn't known anything going on with him since the first of March. So Brad went to the visit, just to catch her up on her son's life.
When he arrived at the visitation, all four of her kids were in the van, bawling their brains out, preparing to go home. Baby A hasn't been feeling real well; in fact, if it had been any other visit, I probably would have kept him home. He was hysterical--crying, coughing, and snotting over everything. Brad thought he might want Brad to hold him, but all he wanted was his mom, who was also crying. It was about as much as Brad could take. So, after the other three kids left with CPS, Brad loaded Baby A in his car and offered to take S. to the busstop. While in the car, I guess she unloaded on him, sobbing and wondering why she still doesn't have her kids back with her. She told Brad she's been clean, she even volunteered to have a hair follicle test that date back three months, but stupid CPS won't call her back, won't listen, etc. Before Brad dropped her off, he gave her his cell number, telling her to call any time she wanted to talk about A.
He said it was heartbreaking. Humbling. Eye-opening. All she said about CPS rang true. They never call back. They never care about the people they are supposed to be helping. In fact, we have a court date scheduled for June 3rd, and we just found out that the guardian ad litem assigned to this case has either never even seen the file or the case has been reassigned to no one knows who.
Even though I wasn't there, it made me think about what will be best in the long run for this little family. All along I have put my selfish desires first. Of course the best place for him would be with us--where he has siblings that love him, the only father he'll ever know, and especially where he has the Gospel and the possibility of eternal covenants. But is that really where he'll always be happy? Will he long for an unknown life forever?
All this just made me realize that
Epiphany #70--I don't know what is best. Only the Lord knows, and I really trust that whatever is best for A and his family will happen. And that seems a little easier today, somehow . . .
Now, if only CPS could be more reliable and responsible. Yeah, right.


  1. Heartbreaking, infuriating, compassionate, tender...all at the same time. I really have no words.

  2. Reading this reawakens my frustration with CPS. I used to have to deal with them when I interned in a family clinic here in California, and that system just does not work well enough.

    On the other hand, I admire and respect your ability to set your own feelings aside and just trust that things will be as they should be with Baby A. Being a foster parent requires a very special sort of person, and you are definitely that.

    Now if CPS would just get a clue.


  3. Heartbreaking all the way around. I'm inclined to believe he'd be so much better off with you, but like you said...what do we know. Again, you amaze me with your faith and strength.

  4. That truth is really comforting...IF we trust God, which can be hard. I have a friend going through a similar situation, and it's hard not to demand God work the situation out how I know is best. Umm, I don't know that much...

  5. yes...i know! the worst part is my apartment doesn't have internet!!