Monday, September 19, 2011

Deep Thoughts--Actually a Lack Thereof

Stream of thought today:

I'm feeling a little . . . off.

I don't even know how to describe it.

Brad and I had a long talk last night, and he tried to help me nail down my . . . off-ness, but we couldn't really.

I used to blog deep thoughts and interesting questions and profound ponderings.  Where did they go?

Have I become shallow?  Is life just rutted in the everyday, with me taking no time to actually think about important things?

I confess:  I possess this desire--this need--to change and influence people.  I want to be a  beacon for good, a person who affects others and . . . I can't voice this very well, but that is missing from my life right now.

When I prepare to teach (I stopped at the end of last school year--read about that here), I put every drop of my heart, soul, mind--everything--into it.  And I love all the work it takes, knowing that through my effort, maybe I can share what I've learned with someone else and help them be better or think differently or open a book or try something new. Now that I rarely have that opportunity, I feel a little lost myself.

I've tried to fill the void with busyness, but that hasn't done the trick. 

Any suggestions? I need to be, as Brad phrased it, "a woman of action."  I don't sit still well, and I need something productive--more than productive, valuable maybe?--to focus some energy and effort on.



  1. Wish you enjoyed Family History. That is where I get my most recent purpose for life. However, it does involve a lot of sitting still.

  2. First, I have to say I've been feeling the same way lately. Could be the changing seasons, I'm not sure. What I am trying to do to change how I feel is take inventory of what I have to offer, what I need to learn better, and who/where can I serve. I learned a long time ago that I am happiest when I am serving others. And then there's timing--mine God's, others--sometimes I have to use my "down time" for preparation and that's always benefitted me. Hang in there!

  3. I have observed (for a number of years) that with the ending of summer, I and many people I talk to have an unsettled feeling...anxiety, restlessness, etc. I don't know what causes it...perhaps the shorter days, but it seems to be a common least here in AZ.

  4. Oh, Jen. . .I hear ya. I miss leading women like I did in our former church. But as all the doors have been closed here. . .I feel like God is saying wait. I'm not very good at waiting!

    Hang in there!and keep praying for direction!

  5. I think you're on the brink of something new and exciting.

    Your post reminds me of this quote, by Maya Angelou:

    “The truth is, each of us has the ability, not just as members of organizations, not just as members of families or people with positions high and mighty, but each of us has the chance to be a rainbow in somebody’s cloud.” Maya Angelou

  6. I seem to go through cycles like the one you describe. Whatever the reason: seasonal, hormonal, transitional, or "other," my driving force takes a short vacation now and again. The good news is that it always returns after the brief respite has run its course.

    When I try to coax it back early, I am usually disappointed. I guess we all need some restorative down time to recharge our curiosity and creative energy.

    Fall is usually a good time for that, so things may look up for you soon!


  7. Same. I'm doing all the things I should be doing, but still feel off. Taking time to really think every day seems to help a bit. I feel like I need a project. I did just get a new calling, so hopefully that'll help. We'll see. Good luck figuring it out.
    Also, Tucker has told me in the last 4 letters that he's planning on sending you pictures but never had time. Has he actually done that yet?

  8. Perhaps you are being given the opportunity to learn how to SIT....sit with yourself and with GOD. Try it...give yourself permission to sit. This may be the calm before the storm and you are able to rest and recuperate before something exciting and time/energy consuming begins. I try to take this time in stride. Good luck!

  9. I have the same thing in me. I always have to be moving. Personally, I think you're a writer. Start a novel! I just got goosebumps.

  10. Loved the Maya Angelou quote above. So much wisdom there.

  11. Earlier today I posted from work (!) on my break, and I don't see it! Darn, it was very wise, I am sure. I'll try to re-say it. BUt I'm sure it won't be as wise.

    I understand, in an eerie-has she been living my life, reading my mind kind of way-exactly what you are saying. I was just there after we moved. I felt so rudderless and like I needed to find value and worth in myself and what I was doing on this earth. Beyond being a mother, beyond the basics of life that I love, I needed more. I felt unfulfilled, and it was hard.

    I found my answers as I turned to the Lord and asked what he wanted me to be doing. I asked what purpose I could serve for Him, and offered to be an instrument in His hands. It wasn't an automatic fix, it took a lot of time on my knees and in my head pondering and turning things over before I began to find my way again.

    I believe the answer, or the purpose and direction is unique to the individual, so I'll spare you mine. However, I believe the path is the same, or very much so. It's finding out how *you* can be an instrument right now. In your life. In your circumstances. In your sphere of influence. Only one place to find that answer, at least that was my experience.

    Sorry for the novel--but this struck a chord with me. Love ya!

  12. I think that writing about the 'offness' and blogging about it is a very good start. Like others have said, such periods come and go. How we ride the down times is as important as our accomplishments in the great times, when the world seems full of wonderful challenges just for us. The children are watching you all the time - how you move through this time is important on so many levels.
    It's clear to me that you are a Woman of Action.

  13. Be careful what you ask for or you will be the next RS pres! JK. You are fabulous and you will get in your groove soon!

  14. I am probably not as driven as you, but I've been known to crave a good project now and then. I think we as women just naturally have that need to teach, to be of value, to assist others. You are not one to sit around. Ever. You'll find that THING you need to do. And I can't wait to hear about it!

  15. I've been the same way (as have a lot of the others who commented). Maybe it's because it's the beginning of Autumn and the kids are back at school? I don't really know...but I do know what you mean about feeling "off". Maybe you need to take a step back and re-evaluate or even take a breather? Hang in there! Something will come to you when you least expect :)