Last week, many bloggers posted resolutions or words of focus for 2014--it being the first week of the year and all. I stewed over how to present my word of resolution, then finally blurted it out in one of my least eloquent posts ever.
Like I said in my first post of the year:
"I've always known He loves me for who I am, but that has led me to falsely believe that He accepts me and my weaknesses and that I can't and shouldn't ever really change because these qualities are just what make me, ME: Strong but sometimes rude. Independent but sometimes intimidating. Smart but sometimes demeaning. Confident but sometimes dismissive."
It appears that I have once again crossed the line to rude, intimidating, demeaning, and dismissive, along with a few other choice words people have used over this last week.
I don't know how to articulate this.
As I was reviewing some of my favorite blogs last week, I read a post that got me thinking about resolutions and man's innate drive to improve. The blogger's view was that "resolutions are just another manifestation of our desire to control our own lives--to help us think we're more powerful than we really are." I disagree with this statement, and I believe that when we work in little ways (or in big ways) to improve ourselves or our families or our communities or our world, resolutions can bring us more in line with our true purposes here in life.
I thought about that post all day, and I took about thirty minutes to carefully write out my response so that I expressed my opinion yet didn't offend the writer (yeah, rough draft and everything before I posted it). Maybe it was my newfound resolve to refine myself, or maybe I've just grown up some and worry about others' feelings a little bit more than I used to. I don't know. Anyway, I posted the comment and continued about my day.
Later that evening, I returned to the blog to see what others had said. The comment section had become a firestorm. A few people posted comments similar to mine, but most comments publicly attacked my comment and the others whose opinions differed from the blogger. The comments weren't even opinion or argument; some were personal attacks that were venomous and cruel in content. The next day, a new post appeared on the blog, explaining why opposing comments (and the accompanying attacks) had been deleted from the comment section. (I wish the original comments hadn't been deleted so you could judge for yourself, but unfortunately, you'll have to take my word for it.) In what looked like a sincere desire to make amends, one of the previously deleted commenters left a comment on the new post, apologizing if she had offended, explaining that her intent had not been to offend the writer but to defend her personal point of view, then she closed with "if it will make you feel any better, you can leave a snarky for me."
Big mistake.
Cruel, demeaning, nasty words were spilled onto her blog by people intending to hate and to hurt. She handled it well, but every time I went back to check, more hate was left for her to read, like the neighbor's dog poop on your lawn.
I was silent for a week, thinking that by staying quiet and avoiding the scene of the crime, I was taking the higher road. I was learning when to speak and when to shut up, right? I was finding the place "between control and surrender" like I had hoped I could find through the course of this year, right?
The longer I think about this whole issue, the more I feel like Jean Valjean:
If I speak, I am condemned.
If I stay silent, I am damned!
I don't think I would be true to myself--who am I?--if I stayed silent any longer.
I try to avoid politics and strident discussion here on my blog because I feel that much can be misinterpreted from words on a page, and the anonymity afforded by computer comments makes people bolder than they might be in person. Argument in cyberspace escalates quickly, my heartfelt intention with that blog comment is a good example. I honestly did not mean to hurt feelings. (I guess this is where I can see I've changed. Earlier in my life, I would wither others with my opinions and wear their offense like a medal of valor. Hmmm. There is some growth there . . . )
However, there is a time to speak, and that time is today.
I will not soften my point of view or temper my opinions. I will stand up for what I believe to be right--until I can no longer utter syllables or type words. I will do my best not to sound "superior" or "self-righteous" or "arrogant" or "hypocritical" or "venomous" or "evil" or "snarky" (all words left in comments over the last week). I know that when I publish a post, the material it contains becomes public domain, and it is then open for others' opinions. I respect your right to hold your own opinions and comment accordingly, whether it be kind or cruel.
But I will hold to what I know to be true just like that last leaf of autumn.
And if I really were being snarky, I would have pointed out in my comment that there is only one "e" in judgment, not two.
It's been a week. I held it back as long as I could.
Ohhh friend ive been wrestling with this very topic in my heart for awhile...bloggy land is an interesting place because we arent face to face things get misinterpreted a. Lot. Sorry you got caught in the middle!
ReplyDeleteHugs to you J. You are right, there has been a lot of doggy poop left on my doorstep over the past week. Some of it I just ignored, because frankly, our way of thinking was so opposite that I didn't have the energy to write as much as was needed to counter their arguments. And part of me just doesnt' want to argue. And part of me feels this discussion should have taken place in the comment section of that author's blog. Honestly, I have had to delete some comments because of swearing. What you may not know is that some people have gone to other posts of mine that included pictures of me, and made disparaging comments about my appearance too. So shallow. But anyway, what is most ironic to me is that I was branded as a heretic for speaking up about my concerns. I was told that I was evil and hateful. I have thought about rewriting, to the best of my knowledge, what I exactly said. I felt that my post on the subject pretty much summed it up though. But the ironic thing is that the comments I have received telling me that I shouldn't be so evil, were more evil than my original comments! One person said, "Go away." Ha! Not in this life time. I will continue to stand for truth, and to defend the faith. Did Nephi do any less with his brothers? He was more direct than me. He reproved at times with sharpness, and perhaps I was sharp too. I tried to follow up with the "showing an increase of love thereafter", but ultimately decided I didn't want to be included in that hateful of readership, and have eliminated that blog from my follow list. I'm sure the hateful attacks will continue, but I'm not going anywhere. And my advice is that if you can't stand the heat, get out of the kitchen. If a person can't listen to thoughtful criticism, then maybe blogging isn't for them. My comments were not hateful. They were sharp, and they were direct, but they were not evil or hateful. But those who come to rail on me will never know, because that blogger deleted my comments. They are taking her word for it. And her conscience has to live with that.
ReplyDeleteBy the way, have you been receiving attacks of this sort? I have been coming to check, but haven't seen them. I want to support you when they come.
ReplyDeleteJen, I am so sorry you have had to deal with such unpleasantness. We have a saying, "You can't sling mud without getting mud on yourself."
ReplyDeleteSometimes Blogland becomes a nasty place where people spew ugliness from behind a plastic curtain called a "monitor" safely anonymous and removed from the consequences of such behavior. I avoid those people when possible. Take care, my friend.
I want to retract something I said. I think I was a little harsh. I said that she has to live with her conscience. I'm going to give her the benefit of a doubt. It could be that she wrote her post in the height of her feelings, when maybe she should have simmered another day. I've done that myself, so I can empathize. I don't think she's an evil person. I think it's just easy to lose perspective sometimes.
ReplyDeleteSheesh. I missed all this. And I'm sorry, because I would have been supporting you all the way.
ReplyDeleteI don't like it when discourse turns ugly in blogland, and I am not that great at keeping my mouth shut, either. But (as you have been doing), I do try to be diplomatic.
Still, sometimes a blogger cannot disagree with a post politely and go unscathed. And that is never a good thing.
What's a good discussion without some differing ideas to keep things interesting and give some new perspective?
=)
Sheesh. I missed all this. And I'm sorry, because I would have been supporting you all the way.
ReplyDeleteI don't like it when discourse turns ugly in blogland, and I am not that great at keeping my mouth shut, either. But (as you have been doing), I do try to be diplomatic.
Still, sometimes a blogger cannot disagree with a post politely and go unscathed. And that is never a good thing.
What's a good discussion without some differing ideas to keep things interesting and give some new perspective?
=)
oh the land of misinterpreted words. the anonymous ones are the ones that always bother me the most:/
ReplyDeleteΤhere is definately a great deal to learn ɑbout this issue. Ι love all of the points you've madе.
ReplyDeletewww.cadtechlabs.com |
I must say that while reading your post I found my thoughts in agreement with the topic that you have discussed, which happens very rare.
ReplyDeleteturnermotorsportsllc |