Tuesday, February 3, 2015

Facing Frustration and Fatigue

Remember that "little" idea I had, way back in July?

You don't? Maybe you remember that I'm in grad school? Oh, that's ringing a bell . . .

Here's a short update on my work with the district.

How do you articulate just a single step above nothing in the written word?

I could have hit publish and written nothing more.

I could have hit 0.

I could have used the words nada, zilch, nil, none, zip, or what the little boy shot at.

But all those signify that nothing has been done--which would be not true.

I've met with a principal, several teachers, many parents, and I have personally called the district and attended (with other parents) meetings with district administrators regarding the possibility of change in MPS's policies, programs, and attitudes toward education for all of our children.  Because that's where this two-year journey has led me.

All of our kids deserve a better education. They all deserve teachers who understand their learning needs. They all deserve to love learning and love thinking.

For all of the time I've spent researching, writing, calling, compiling, meeting, and discussing, what do I have to show for it?

Truthfully--very, very little.

I'm frustrated. And tired. So very, very tired. I've never experienced this level of exhaustion and aggravation on anything I've ever attempted.

The questions I've been asking myself for the past few weeks are these: "Where do I go from here? Who will listen? Who do I call? Who do I write? Who do I petition and beg and cajole and persuade? Who has the power and the guts to make a drastic change in how ALL kids are educated in our district?"

The answer I keep coming up with is discouraging.

The answer I keep coming up with is . . .

I don't know.

Then I come back to this quote that has been taped to my computer monitor for over a year now.

Until very recently, I hadn't ever faced the possibility that, while my ideas are original and good, those who hold all the strings may not agree with me.

They may think I'm wrong. 

What if they do?

What do I do then?

Do I have a Plan B? Do I need a Plan B? Do I even want a Plan B?

I'm an optimist at heart. I have to believe that I've merely planted a seed that is beginning to reach tender shoots toward the sun. I have to believe that out of all the facts I've researched and solutions I've presented--that something will happen. I have to believe that someone somewhere is hearing me and the dozens of parents and children who have trusted me. I have to believe that change is just around the corner.

But . . .

What if it isn't?

Then what?

I don't know.

And I don't like not knowing.


  1. I hate to see you so discouraged and tired of the fight. Maybe Heavenly Father gave you this fight because He knew you would be the one to NEVER give up. Something will come of this, I am sure. I just wish it would miraculously get fixed. It doesn't sound like it will, so prepare to last them out. You may have grandchildren who will benefit from your struggle some day.

  2. Keep fighting Jenny....so many people believe in you and what you're trying to change. I'm sure you have people thinking and talking....and who knows like you said, what is right around the corner.

  3. that quote is fantastic!!! i'm always telling my kids that being wrong is the only way to get things right. you are one of the strongest women i know, and if there's one thing i know for sure, it's that we are ALWAYS strongest enough to get through it and we will get through it. not always the way we think we will, and usually in the face of feeling like we won't live through it, but we are strong enough, especially a woman like you.