Wednesday, May 13, 2015

Last One . . . For a Whole 30 Days

There's a whole ritual to it.

Find the right glass.

Fill with 7 ice cubes.

Pop the top of the silver can and pour until the foam hits the rim.
Wait. The foam will recede.

Pour the rest of the can, because you know it all fits just right without spilling a drop.

Even as I write it, I can taste it. And I can't have it.

I am lost inside my life right now. Can't find where I fit. Can't find what to do. Can't find who I am any more.

It's weird and disconcerting and drives me to food all the time. Constantly. Many times a day. When I can't figure out what I need or what to do with my time, I'm sure the answer is a Twix. Or chocolate chip cookies. Or Reese's. Or brownies. Or a whole bag of Goldfish. Or . . .

Remember when I posted this letter?

I don't recognize that person any more.

I was getting ready for yoga this morning, and I didn't even know where my mat was. Took me five minutes to find it. Who am I?

A little friend of mine (one whose appearance I always dread) had returned, and after a few weeks of self-pity, self-medicating with all the tasty/bad things, and no exercise, I knew it was time to shake him off my back once again.

Stupid sugar monkey.

After talking with a friend of mine who had just finished the play, I researched it and decided to buy this:
I read the book, and Whole30's tough love and no-nonsense approach to beating food addictions appealed to my tough love/no-nonsense personality. I spent hours planning meals and grocery shopping--two things I detest--and yesterday was my first day on the plan.

I hope that Whole30 will teach me how to like cooking. I also hope that in a week, I'll be full of energy, back in control of my eating patterns, and satisfied with how I feel in my skin.

One day down, and I feel like I've been hit by a truck. So tired that I can barely keep my eyes open. Fully stocked fridge, but no energy or desire to make anything--that's problematic, since Whole30 has extremely strict dietary guidelines and there is no "safe" instantly available alternative to their meals. And no diet Pepsi. Not even a taste.


It's going to be a long 29 days. At least one's done, right?

Anyone out there with Whole30 experience who'd like to share?


  1. A couple of weeks ago I hit bottom when I took in 4,000 calories in a day and a half of licorice alone. I just can never get enough sugar and I'm so tired of not having energy and feeling lousy. So, I'm 11 days in on Paleo (I think it's pretty similar to whole30) and I feel so good. I'm not craving sugar and I feel more balanced and in control. Soda is the hardest thing to give up.....I haven't had a soda since last August (thanks to my son).....and if I can give it up-anyone can! I drank 6-8 cans of diet mt dew everyday! If I only had replaced it with water....but I chose diet ice tea......more fake sugar! I'm only buying water now. The only downside is all the shopping and prepping and planning and cooking that goes into eating healthy. I'm trying to look at it as making time for myself and my health. What an addiction sugar is, isn't it? I'm noticing how amazing fruit is tasting to me now that I'm not having all the other crap. Anyway, good luck! You're a tough cookie so I know you can do it! If you come across any good recipes- please share!

  2. We go with the eating plan described in Intuitive Eating. So simple kids can do it, and it's so empowering to put them in charge of how they feel. It discourages yoyo dieting and helps prevent eating disorders. A big plus in my book.