That was my entire April--holding on. Asking God for guidance and patience and understanding every single day.
It would have been much easier to quit trying or to quit believing or to move on to something new. I felt like cracking apart almost every day, but one morning I got my favorite bowl out of the dishwasher to make muffins.
Each time I place it on the counter, I wonder if this will be the last time we work together, this bowl and I.
And that morning I thought, "If the bowl can hold it together one more day, then so can I."
Weird life metaphor moment, right? My brain works like that.
Each day all month I would wake up and think, "Today. Today is the day I will get an answer. Today is the day I will stop stressing about what I can't control. Today is the day I will be patient. Today is the day none of this will matter and I will be at peace."
With the setting of the sun each day I would think, "Nope. No answer today. Maybe tomorrow."
And finally, by the end of the month, seven weeks of (im)patiently waiting for an answer ended.
In retrospect, I didn't handle waiting and holding on very well. But just like my favorite bowl, I held it together, even if the cracks and chips in my psyche sometimes showed.
Seven weeks later, I can now look back and see some of the lessons I learned.
- God is in charge.
- Worrying about what we can't control is not only unproductive but it can also be destructive if we let it.
- I have more patience than I ever thought.
- I need more patience than I have.
- Prayers are heard, even if they aren't immediately answered.
- And most important . . . Nothing is too small for God. If it's important to us, it's important to Him.
I will rely on the lessons of April 2016 forever. I will remember it as the month that I learned this about myself:
I really can wait. I just don't like to.